Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
