I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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