I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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