I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
