Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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