Please, let me fuck your mom
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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