Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
