just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize