Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
