I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
