After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
