After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
we're so committed to being not committed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
