My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
