She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
