The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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