that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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