evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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