it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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