My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize