Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
