Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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