The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
