i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
