decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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