I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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