Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
