I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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