i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
