so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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