i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
