Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
