Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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