Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize