You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
