so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
