a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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