You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
