I just threw up on my dentist
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
