ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
