So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
