Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
