Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
