Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
