Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
