They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
