I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
