Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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