Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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