Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
