He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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