Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
