did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
