well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
