Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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