I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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