Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
