Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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