Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
