I puked a lego.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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