im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
