you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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