Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
