I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
