im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
