I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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