So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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