You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
