It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
