I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize