Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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