It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Porn is love you can see.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
