lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
