Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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