is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
