One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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