it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
