Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
