She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize