seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize