GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
