What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
