Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
